Dear newlywed wife who sleeps alone at night

sleep aloneDear Sweet newlywed wife,

I know we don’t know each other, and we may never meet, but I feel you. The loneliness you often feel, the lack of a “normal”,  the anxiousness you feel for your husband’s health and safety, and the time to time resentment towards the job that is robbing you of your beloved. I get it.

I want to carve a moment out right now to tell you, its okay to feel this way. You may feel the need to have it all together because you chose to marry your beloved knowing the nature of his job. You may feel the pressure to smile every time a well meaning person commends you on how “strong” you are. Despite preparing yourself mentally and emotionally on what to expect when you married him, occasionally the little girl inside of you yearns to experience the newly wed life you had always imagined growing up. You want to greet him when he comes home as you try to hide the burnt smell of the dish you have been experimenting on. You want to get ready for bed together in your matching P.Js. You actually desire to feel the coolness of the night because that means he is in bed and hogging all the blankets.

Dearest sister, please take a moment and tell yourself, everything you may be feeling that is similar to what is listed above, is really really okay and normal. You are not being unsupportive towards your husband’s job. You are not being selfish, and you are definitely not being dramatic.

For many women, going to bed alone at night because her husband’s job requires overnight or long shifts, may only be a season. However for some, this kind of routine is a lifetime. Whether we are newlyweds or seasoned empty nesters, going to bed by ourselves, without our husband, will always be hard. It may not even be the loneliness that gets us, but more so the concern over his safety, and if he is even eating at all.

When God joins a man and woman together in covenant love, the two becomes one flesh. In a very real sense, we become each other’s other half. I am not talking about putting our sole identity in each other and expecting the other person to completely satisfy us. I am just saying, it is very understandable and human to long for and to miss your other half when he is gone and not physically with you.

Dearest army wife, plumber’s wife, police officer’s wife, firefighter’s wife, security guard’s wife, doctor’s wife, pastor’s wife, missionary’s wife, and all wives with husbands working late into the night and unable to come home, my prayer for you is that you would slowly allow yourself to be honest with how you are feeling. I also pray that you would turn to the perfect forever present husband we have , Jesus Christ for comfort and strength. As his church, we are His bride and He is our bridegroom. He understands better than anyone what loneliness feels like. He understands disappointment, and He also understands what it feels like to be separated from the one you love most and have a special relationship with. He was separated from the Father ,whom He had perfect union and relationship with when He gave His life for us on the cross. Turn to Jesus, cry to Jesus, pray to Jesus, He cares for you.

I pray as you find comfort through this post, God would place different women into your lives. I pray that you would cross paths with God fearing older women who are willing to pour into you. I also pray that He would  bring other wives in similar situations into your life so you could share with them your experiences and be of encouragement to them.  I pray that your journey and experience of being a wife who often sleeps alone at night, would be refined by the Lord and used for His glory when you surrender your feelings and experiences to Him.

I pray all this for my beloved sisters and myself.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Blessings and Love,



2 thoughts on “Dear newlywed wife who sleeps alone at night

  1. Very encouraging! Good to know someone (close to me) sympathizes. Every night before bed, I write in my diary and it’s like the same feeling. It’s quiet in my room, the other half of the bed is empty and the sheet is collecting dust (we put 2 twin mattresses together for now) and I keep thinking, “why?” However, I always remind myself that I have NO excuse to feel “lonely” because Jesus is ALWAYS with me (us!). So then writing in my diary becomes a conversation with Jesus and I write my prayers out, too. I, too, desired the “newlywed” experience but unfortunately was robbed of that as well. just know that our husbands would prefer to be with us more than anything 🙂


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